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9 Times Coffee Prevented Me From Making a Fool of Myself

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Tomorrow is International Coffee Day. Now, it seems that every day is International Something or Other (and as an editor, it’s kind of frustrating because you’re like, OK, so content for International Love Your Quilt Day? Who can do it?!) but this occasion deserves special attention, I think. So, as my Folgers Classic Roast brews this very minute, and a four-day-old Starbucks cup once containing the new Toasted Graham Latte (B+) remains perched on my countertop, let me count the ways in which coffee has swooped in to save the day like Prince Charming on a white horse:

[Related: 10 Ways to Become a Morning Person]

1. It helps me remember other people’s names. Thank you, coffee, for helping me remember Jim, Harold, Sarah, Debbie, Naomi, and every other friend of a friend I’ve ever met.

2. It helps me remember my own name. Thank you, coffee (and Starbucks, when you check for spelling), for making sure I never forget the one name that counts.

[Related: How to Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time]

3. It makes sure I get dressed correctly in the morning. Thank you, coffee, for helping me see the light, and realize that my favorite black dress does not go with those navy blue shoes. Cute as they are.

[Related: 5 Next Best Alternatives to Drinking Coffee at Work]

4. It makes me seem friendly. Thank you, coffee, for encouraging me to say “Good morning!” to the security man beside the elevator instead of melting at his feet like a sorry puddle of tears.

5. It encourages me to run a brush through my hair. Thank you, coffee, for giving my arm the strength it needs to show those cowlicks who’s boss.

6. It helps me write grownup emails. Thank you, coffee, for making me read that email again, once you have kicked in. Otherwise I would have sent, “Hi, Hear is what I thinking four the PointPower tomorow” to 50 of my closest colleagues.

7. It gives me something to focus on during a really ridiculous meeting. Thank you, coffee, for offering me something to grip tightly instead of throwing my pen at the white board like a 5-year-old child who hasn’t had her organic applesauce yet.

8. It grants me the perfect excuse to walk out on a boring conversation. Thank you, coffee, for making sure I always have the line, “Excuse me, I have to use the ladies’ room. That coffee just hit me!” tucked securely in my back pocket.

9. It provides a non-alcoholic date option. Thank you, coffee, for literally not letting me make a fool out of myself like my other friend, Third Glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. He’s such an asshole.

Photo: Paweł Kadysz / tookapic

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