Do you believe in the White Knight syndrome? The notion that someone is going to come along and sweep us off our feet, like in a fairytale. That we’ll have a huge house, 2.4 kids, and all we’ll ever have to worry about again is what designer label to wear. I’m sorry to say this ladies, but it’s time for a wake-up call.
Nowadays, women have to put in just as much effort to find their dream partner as they do their dream job–maybe even more so. This is especially true for ladies living in big cities like New York, where the ratio of single men to single women can be 2:1 in some areas.
It’s important to be clear about the ‘finding’ process: your white knight won’t appear out of anywhere (especially not while you’re asleep—and if a stranger tries to kiss you while you’re sleeping, I suggest you hit him and call 911 immediately), you have to go find him.
What about the “men have to pursue me” thing?
But how can he pursue you if he doesn’t know you exist?
Below are four strategies you can use to find that special someone- or at the very least, a great date for Friday night.
1) Have a friend help you get set up.
Let’s say you have three really great friends or family members that you absolutely trust. Now imagine telling them how much you respect and admire them, and how honored you would be if they set you up with someone else.
But before you let them set off into the dating world, give them a general idea of your ideal partner. This way, they can avoid wasting time on dates with people who don’t meet their standards. Just be sure to keep your list of deal breakers short- no more than five items.
Plan your moves by going through all of the potential person’s friends on Facebook and see if you have similar interests. After finding somebody, check with your mutual friend to get more information before asking for an introduction.
Note: Be sure to follow up after you’ve been promised a set-up. Oftentimes, life gets in the way and people forget their promises. Gently remind them of your conversation and offer to return the favor.
BONUS CHALLENGE: If you’re both struggling to find people to date, why not set each other up on double dates? That way even if the dates are complete flops, at least you got to spend some quality time (and hopefully had some fun) with your friend!
2) Online Dating
Online dating has come a long way in the last decade.
Try thinking of online dating as just another resource, not as a replacement for socializing or meeting people in person. It’s simply one more tool that can give you more options.
Why Online Dating Rocks
Most dating websites allow you to filter potential dates by factors such as age, height, and religion. However, some sites like IvyDate go a step further by hand-selecting high-quality matches for you so that you don’t have to worry about scammers.
Online dating is a great way to meet new people, and you can literally be in multiple places at the same time. I think of it as passive marketing – you put up a photo and some info, and then you can go about your day while still getting messages from potential matches. Plus, if you’re not satisfied with the responses you’re getting on one site, you can always try another site – there are plenty of options out there!
Gender preference is clear.
If you’re gay or lesbian, online dating is an amazing option because it guarantees that the people you’ll talk to will be interested in your gender. It’s often difficult for feminine lesbians especially to know who is and isn’t gay when they’re out so using a dating site removes that difficulty entirely.
It was cheap.
Online dating is an investment that yields returns quickly. If you’re paying for a site, one date equals your ROI. After ten dates, you’ve made ten times what you originally put in!
Note: The way you present yourself MATTERS. When I say “passive marketing,” keep in mind that you are the product! Make sure to spend time and effort on developing your profile and photos, or else get second opinions and/or professional help.
Note 2: Dating sites are not one-size-fits-all. Next week’s article will show you which site works best for you and your dating needs.
Make sure to schedule at least one event each week where you can socialize with people who have similar interests. This could be anything from a benefits party to a community service afternoon. It’ll be much easier for you to find common ground and start conversations in these types of environments.
Note: When considering which activity or event to attend, think about what interests you and the type of person you want to meet. If they were in your shoes, which option would they choose? Also, make an effort to talk to new people at the event rather than only sticking with those you know. It may be comfortable, but it won’t do anything for your dating life.
Although you never know when or where you’ll meet the man of your dreams, there are a few things you can do to increase the chances that he’ll ask you out. For example:
A) Be open to it.
It may seem unnatural, but avoiding eye contact with strangers makes you look unapproachable. Instead, make and maintain eye contact; if they return your gaze, take the opportunity to introduce yourself. Good posture conveys confidence, so stand tall with your shoulders back and head up; a slight smile will make you appear approachable. Men (and everyone else) will be naturally drawn to you.
B) Look for windows of opportunity.
You have a twenty-second window to make an impression on someone you’re interested in. So act fast, before the opportunity slips away.
C) Be prepared.
A wise friend once told me, “You never know who you’ll meet, so always look your best.” She now owns a successful lipgloss line sold in Bergdorf —I guess she was right.
This doesn’t mean putting on full makeup, a cocktail dress, and heels just to run down the street and get a bagel. That would be ridiculous. What it does mean is wearing something that makes you feel attractive and alive; feeling ready to face the world when you have to face the world. Whole Foods is not only a place to buy healthy groceries, but it’s also a mecca for attractive men. You’re just as likely, if not more likely, to meet a guy at Whole Foods than you are out on a Friday night. Your appearance is not as important as how you’re feeling–guys are more intuitive about this than you might think.
Having the right type of girlfriends in your life can make a huge difference! Here are 8 must-have types of friends to help you thrive.